A Mother’s Musings: Meeting Strangers

By Phala Rasmussen

Most new mothers have experienced the kind, elderly woman in the grocery store complimenting their precious little baby.

“Oh, what a beautiful baby!” the stranger exclaims. Small baby sleeps in her car seat, surrounded by a heavenly glow. Mother thanks the kind stranger and beams with pride.

Then the baby grows up to be a toddler.

Now when I’m in the grocery store, I find myself trying to avoid anyone who looks like they might possibly say something sweet to my daughter.

For now when we are blessed with a compliment, instead of the aforementioned glow, pride, etc., the stranger is, instead, met with a scream of “NO!!!” The toddler then flaps her arms for fear of being touched, and proceeds to writhe about in the grocery cart. Mother still thanks the kind stranger, but now must also apologize profusely as she turns beet red and tries to avoid being hit by the little flapping hands.

I often wonder if there is any way to handle this situation without embarrassment or making my child constantly feel like she has done something wrong. I know (or at least I’m pretty sure) that she doesn’t mean to be rude; she’s just shy and doesn’t yet know how to express that. I try to tell her that she doesn’t have to talk to people if she doesn’t want to, but screaming “No” is just slightly extreme and unnecessary. I even remind her of this before, during, and after these encounters. And yet they continue.

I try to remind myself during these times that even as an adult, there are definitely times when someone talks to me and I would much rather scream “No!” and run away than engage in an awkward conversation. In fact, I’m almost a little envious sometimes that my two year old can show her true feelings without anyone really thinking too much of it. If there is anything you can depend on from a toddler, it is that she will always let you know what her true feelings are.

I’d like to tell her that she can always be this honest. I’d like to tell her that she never has to speak to people she’d rather not talk to. I’d like to tell her that she will never have to care what other people, including the entire customer base of a grocery store, think about her.

But, alas, we don’t live in a world built around toddlers but around adults. We must grow up. We can’t always be honest. We often have to talk to people we’d rather not talk to. And we often care (sometimes far too much) about what others think of us.

There is definitely some freedom to only being on the earth for two years. I guess it is a freedom that I can’t always fight. And maybe that’s okay, at least for now.

My apologies to the kind strangers in the grocery store.