Fatherhood Means Working On Your Marriage

By Richard Reynolds M.Div.,M.Ed.,Ed.S.

Monday Night Football was on. The Washington Redskins were pouring it on as I watched intently while my wife continued to go through labor pains. Towards the end of the game we found out that she would need a C-section, and before the end of the fourth quarter she was wheeled into the operating room for the delivery of our second child, a wonderful son.

We had done all of the prep work suggested by all of the books and doctors to prepare for this second child. The nursery was ready at home. Our first daughter was prepared for brother’s homecoming. Then after bringing our baby home, we went through all of the prescribed “check ups” and did all of the right things to make sure he had the best start. He had the right toys to stimulate him intellectually. We chose his day care with agonizing care.

However, the firm foundation laid by all of these careful preparations was rocked when not as much care was given to keeping the family together, and a divorce resulted. During pregnancy and after the birth of a child parents do a million things to ensure that a child has the best possibility for a strong healthy life. Statistics now show that for a child to grow up emotionally strong and have the highest possibility for success a stable home life not rocked by divorce is critical. Children describe the loss of contact with a parent as “the primary negative aspect of divorce.”(1) With most divorces the mother gains custody of the children. Meanwhile, society is just now beginning to recognize on a widespread basis what children have known all along: father-absence is one of the most destructive forces to children in our society. David Blankenhorn in his 1995 book, Fatherless America, says “Father-absence is the greatest social problem we face.” (New York: Basic Books)

Most statistics reveal that one out of every two marriages will end in divorce. Second and third marriages have an even higher rate of divorce. Therefore, as a couple begins to make their plans to bring a new child into the world, just as critical as finding the right Pediatrician, the right day care and decorating the nursery correctly are the safeguards on the marriage that will ensure that the new child will grow up in a home surrounded by love.

If I, as the father of that boy who was born over fourteen years ago during Monday Night football, could do one thing over to help my son, it would be to work more on my marriage and possibly prevent the divorce that shattered our family. We have provided many things for my son but have failed to provide one of the things that could have helped him the most…a home not fractured by divorce where he could experience the love of a mother and a father together. Research has proven that even though there is still love, once the home is fractured there is a ripple effect with numerous consequences.

As you begin the journey of parenthood, remember the importance of the home life for your newborn when you think about the other critical aspects that one normally considers in the care of a baby.
 
 
[1] J Kelly. Assoc. of Family and Conciliation Courts, California Chapter Mtg, Sonoma, CA, Jan. 1991.